there are words inside. good and stupid and silly and meandering. lots off-track and inconsequential. some of them i want heard. seen. some of them i never want exposed. i really don’t even know if they are worth anything to anyone else. seems funny to offer something to others not asked for. but somehow i feel like there is something inside that wants to come out.
i want to steward this well. pursue. not passively sit by the wayside…but i want what’s right. not rushed or forced. or fake. or surface. i want substance to come out…i don’t want to scratch the surface or only squeeze out half the abscess…i want it all. all the puss to come out. deep debridement. anyone can write. and they are all statistically logistically technically better than i am. but i want to write. i want to bring movement. bring healing. bring conviction. bring insight. depth. awareness.
i want to write what is true in me. original. unaffected. unaltered. unadulterated.
maybe one word at a time. one thought. one idea. one moment. not for anyone. or to anyone. just offer up what i see and hear. and not worry. about how people might respond. or not.
but this is something i dont want to just think about. masticate on indefinitely. i want to move on it. into it. grab hold. and chase it. dig in. sink my teeth. fight.
risk something. invest something. i dont want to have this self-inflated prophet complex, i dont believe necessarily that what i have to say will change the world…but i do believe that God has put a thing in me that would be right for me to offer.
i want to create as a reflection of a Great Creator…reflecting His depth of wisdom and wit and insight and truth.
i want to bring healing. hope. restoration. redemption. bring the Kingdom near.
to open eyes to SEE.
{what i want it to be}
i want it to be an honest reflection. of what i see. who i meet. what i am taught. what i wrestle with. and maybe in that wresting, invite others to grapple and enter. i want it to be fresh. raw. real. honest. genuine. an honest overflow of thoughts and emotions and questions that stem from time with God and people. about hurt. healing. anger. disappointment. addiction. freedom. suffering. joy. gratitude. about the coverup. of these layers. that hide stories. the layers of fear. and doubt. and loneliness. and brokenness. that are buried of piles of cover-ups. i want to help peel those layers, those cover-ups back…to see people as they really are. in their nakedness. in my nakedness. to discover and tell the real stories hidden, buried, and unheard.
so here it starts. to unfold. will start to post chapter excerpts from my book.
“naked {hope}.”
bring it on!
i like. very happy for this.